Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
My mom is a librarian (don't you dare call her a Media Specialist) and she has a lot of old library junk still. It's great stuff, and I know that you are all jealous of my marvelous trash collection.
One day I will put it all to great use. I will build houses for the homeless! I will solve all worldwide economic problems!
Lofty goals, it's true, but just look at this stuff! If only I had the card catalog to put it in.
See? I've started already.
Do you have any other great ideas?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
I worked on this Marble Board all weekend long. Unfortunately, there were a few mistakes, and so it's taken more time than I had hoped (thus the expressive sock puppet). Click here to see the process. I hope to have pics of the finished board up soon.
Oh, did I mention my scanner bit the big one? Thank goodness Patrick was taking care of me, as usual.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Despite the massive amount of Irish in me and the fact I am married to a Patrick, St. Patrick's Day sneaks up on me almost every year.
The sneaking wouldn't be a problem if the pinching wasn't so severe.
To make things more complicated, my family is "orange" Irish, so we are required to add orange to the usual green. This would be easier if I did not hate the color, or owned anything in the spectrum between lemon yellow and brick red. Each year I scramble to find a suitable pinch-protection like: an orange sticky note stapled to my shirt, orange marker scribbled on pinch-prone areas of skin, and (when I am lucky) a piece of orange string tied around my wrist.
This year, however, I will be ready when I wake up, armored in one of the green and orange bracelets below. Patrick will have no such protections, as I am not above hiding a portion of his clothing.
After all, I have been doing finger exercises all year.
(for more information on Green Irish and Orange Irish, see this informative link.)
Posted by alisonml at 6:20 PM
I will be sporting one or both of these buggers on Tuesday, so don't expect to catch me unawares. With the exception of the button, I had all of this around the house, which still does not prove I'm a pack-rat.
The first bracelet is just a large paperclip, embroidery floss, and a drop of glue.
(1) Bend the paperclip around, and in, and around, and in, and over and over to make the clover shape. (The orange drawing on the entry above shows how it works.)
(2) Attach a knotted end of embroidery floss to the stem with glue, and wrapped the wire in floss.
(3) Cry as everything comes unwound everytime you move your fingers.
(4) Yell at someone for "getting in your light". (Could be roomate, husband, or pet.) This is an important part of the process.
(5) Realize you are going to have to start all over again. Pour glass of Irish Whiskey to get in the spirit.
(6) Repeat steps 2 through 4. Tie lots of knots.
(7) Have more whiskey to reward yourself for getting the clover wrapped.
(8) Relearn friendship bracelets. Take a trip down memory lane.
(9) Tie the thing to your wrist. It better be sturdy cause you are never going to try that again.
The second bracelet is a better project for the sane. It is simply a piece of ribbon, some contrasting floss, and a pretty button.
(1) Cut ribbon to a length that will tie around your wrist.
(2) Place in embroidery hoop (if you have one).
(3) Make small, somewhat even, stitches across the ribbon till you get to the middle.
(4) Sew the button on.
(5) Continue stitches. Make a knot at the end.
(6) Thank goodness you didn't do the first bracelet.
Wow, that was a lot of talking. I'm exhausted.
Happy Saint Patrick's Day!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
I've been thinking about balloons today. I've been thinking a lot of things, some of them are below.
BALLOONS are, in the end, just TRASH :
Two people outside of a store, popping day-old balloons got me thinking about trash again. Why did you get the balloons if they were only going to last a day? Are you going to pick up the pieces? Does a sign flanked by balloons imply that there is something inside worth getting involved in? Are you going to pick up those pieces?
At some point in my childhood I was presented with the startling statistic that every time you pop a balloon, a bird dies. I'm not sure this is true, because I was presented with a lot of "facts" then that I have since found to be baloney (ex. people will love you for what's inside. In truth, they won't, cause your insides are creepy. Just plain creepy.)
But still, what about the birdies?
the LITTLE LOST BALLOON:
It was amazing how small a balloon got as it was floating away from (1) your outstretched fingers, and (2) the frantic jumping and clasping of your parents.
Why was the sight so much more beautiful when the balloon didn't belong to you?
the PERFECT BALLOON TIE:
I remember the day I used my horse-camp knot skills to tie the perfect balloon knot around my sister's wrist. It was a pivotal moment. No longer would I have to listen to the whining and pawing of her frantic efforts to get the string off (knot has slip to release quickly.) No longer would I have to listen to her cry over the little lost balloon (slip was total mystery to baby sister.)
Bwahaha. My career as an evil inventor had begun!
CELLOPHANE BALLOONS are SAD:
Inevitably, on our birthdays, my sister and I would chose a cellophane balloon adorned with our current favorite cartoon character. (Mine was typically Garfield. I loved a cat who loved him some lasagna.)
The main issue with cellophane balloons is that they wilted fast, and you might wake up the next day to find Garfield face down on the floor. (Overdose?)
Solution! Smack him into the air. The result is a satisfying crack, and a millisecond more of balloon enjoyment.
BALLOON LINKS -
Man Floats away from Bend.
I didn't copy Camp Smartypants, I swear.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
This weekend I decided to tackle some shredding and filing that I've been putting off. As I was tearing any bit of distinguishing information off of all the junkmail, I got distracted by the patterns on inside of the security envelopes.
To be honest, it wasn't something I had ever paid attention to, until this entry on Design*Sponge. But, hey, now I see them, and what better way to avoid doing what I really need to do? ("Honey, I think the shredder is broken, could you come take a look? Oh it works? Well, why don't you go ahead and shred this stuff, just to be sure.")
I thought this would be a great time to show off the book clamps from my toolbox, and the padding compound from the adhesives drawer.
Here's what became of all those odds and ends, and a manila folder. (click to view)
I am not a pack-rat. Sometimes I just keep things around until they prove their usefulness.
This is one of the many things I have acquired, which may or may not be junk. It is, or rather they are, 40 paper envelopes/boxes for Faber Castell pens. They definitely have value, why else would there be so many?
Here are the ideas I have had so far:
• A place to put pencils and pens, assuming I want to split my whole collection into sets of singles and doubles. This seems inefficient.
• Halloween treat holders that I decorate with jack-o-lanterns, black cats, and zombies. I would then fill them with the smallest candies known to man... or just sugar.
• The most annoying surprise ever, if I filled them with glitter and gave them to all my friends/enemies.
• Individual coffins for the ladybugs in the living room. R.I.P. lady.
I'm sure there's something good to do with these. I am 100 percent positive.
You keep telling yourself that they are the best infestation you can have. They are the cleanest, least-creepy, and prettiest bugs there are. It could be oh-so-much worse.
Then you tell yourself to shut up and get the vacuum.
We try our best to save the ones in the house before they starve, but we can only get to so many of them before they kick the bucket. This year seems worse than last year, and I know it will only get worse as the weather gets warmer. So I'll just keep rescuing the ones I can, and vacuuming the ones I can't.
Besides, they are the cleanest, least-creepy, and prettiest bugs there are.
Posted by alisonml at 6:36 PM
It was a sunny day today (still cold as a witch's... you-know-what) and the cats were both laid-out in the sunbeams. I got the camera; they decided it was time to move.
Some people can get great pictures of their cats, but my photos consist of blurs, disembodied cat-parts, up-close eyeballs, and the occasional look of irritation (see above.)
I can only think this means my camera is inferior.
It must be the camera.
(more examples here)
Monday, March 2, 2009
So one day I stepped out of the car and saw the flattest clipboard ever. It was in a deserted school parking lot, but I could almost hear the whole scenario. Clipboard goes out the window of a school bus, kids laugh, tire collides...
A flat clipboard could be a little pathetic, but this one had a great life.